


10 signs your older brother may be an idiot

by worddumb



Series: Human AU thing [5]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, I Tried, Sickfic, and i succeeded, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 20:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21042389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worddumb/pseuds/worddumb
Summary: Written by: EaxDirected by: EaxStarring: EaxIntroducing: Eax





	10 signs your older brother may be an idiot

**Author's Note:**

> To enhance your experience- imagine a random hermit jumping out of second story window and taking off, showing no signs of broken bones. Imagine paint balls flying after them. Now, if you please, imagine Ex, looking at this mess from first story window, paint covered mop in hand, and going 'not this again' in the most done voice you can picture.  
That, is his mood for this entire thing

It was an unusually quiet day at The Hermitage, as Joe dubbed it- no one was screaming or threatening anyone with death, no one was panicking or throwing things, it was all nice and calm- until Eax broke down his brother’s door in blind rage, that is.

“XISUMA HERMITCRAFT VOID! WHY IN THE WORLD”- he proceeded to grab the supposed ‘leader’ by the shoulders and shake him vigorously- “DID YOU NOT TELL ME YOU WERE SICK?” 

The man in question looked him straight in the eye, and, in a dead pan voice, asked: “Did you seriously just use Hermitcraft as my middle name?” That only succeeded in making Eax more pissed, grabbing the mans face with one hand: “Don’t try and distract me, you insufferable twat!”- he leaned in a bit closer and squinted violently, which made him look like a crying chihuahua- “How long was this going?!” 

At the leaders indifferent shrug, he just facepalmed, pushing the man away: “And let me guess, your stupid face was working this entire time! Do you even sleep?!” 

At another indifferent shrug, second hand followed suit, muffled groaning filling the room until Eax came to terms with the fact his brother was a fucking idiot, and just slouched, giving up: “Bed. Now”- pointing in the direction of said furniture, he waited for X to comply, but of course that’d be waaay too easy, what did he even expect-

“Oh come onnn! I’m almost done with this project”- Xisuma tried to turn back to the computer, probably thinking he was being smart- but Eax thought otherwise, grabbing the man by the scruff and pulling him to his feet. 

A lot of protests and whining later, he’s finally disposed his brother to the world of blankets and pillows that looked undisturbed for a century, and as he was going to tuck the idiot in- really, which one of them was older?- X made a broken hearted pouty face, the kind kids do when they’re told they can’t get a dog: “But I want to itch when I have nothing to do!” 

Sighing in defeat, Eax got out his fidget cube and just dropped it on this whiny brat, turning around right after it smacked said brat on the nose: “I’ll go make you some tea, and where’s your tablet- oh, work on it and I’ll put it on baby mode-“

“I have nothing in my kitchenette” 

The red-clad man winced at that, slouching even more, which should not be physically possible: “Of course you don’t, honestly why do I even ask, oh my goodness me-”- with that, he dragged his feet to the exit, too done to walk properly.

Remembering one last thing, he whipped around in the doorway: “If you move-“- Xisuma, who was reaching for his tablet on the bedside table, froze- “I’ll know”. With that last line, Eax shut the door with a slam, leaving the useless Bambi behind in hopes he’ll listen for once.

He’d almost stormed past his other brother’s door, when realizing he should probably tell him about the situation- if not to be a ‘good sibling’, than to irritate the darn apathetic demon for sure- so he yanked on the handle. It didn’t bulge. Well, of course- when wasn’t this hedgehog’s door closed? It could still serve to irritate the man, he guessed, going on a full on assault on the thing, up until he heard an even ‘what?’ come from the other side.

“Xisuma’s sick!”

“Does it look like I care?”

Of course. Not bothered enough to answer, Eax just pinched the crook of his nose and continued on his way- truly, he was surrounded by idiots. That claim was thoroughly supported in the next few seconds of him innocently minding his own business, when a stray Doc and Scar duo rounded the corner, cheering and going on _really high speeds_\- HOLY SHI- HE THOUGHT THE AREA 77 GIMMIC ENDED ALREADY!

Smothering himself against the wall, he’s had to even out his breathing for a while after such close contact with death and contemplate, why he still lived here. He got no respect in this house! Scoffing and moving on on his way, he tried really hard not to think why anyone would put a motor this strong on a wheel chair, but to no avail- curiosity did kill the cat after all, and people would compare him to a cat often enough he stopped even trying to deny it. Not from the lack of effort, mind you, they were just insufferable enough!

Descending to the community kitchen, he had to make a decision- make tea right now and let it cool and get strong on the way back, or just grab some ingredients and-

This hard decision was made for him, when team ZIT tumbled into the room, laughing and carrying _a lot_ of dishes- there he goes, Eax had no desire to have a company of idiots. Begrudgingly responding to Zed’s cheery greeting, he dug through some cupboards as quickly as possible, hoping to find what he was looking for a bit faster than usual- luckily, he wasn’t approached by anyone in the meantime, but it made the constant state of war between organization and absolute chaos every community room was no more enjoyable. 

Having finally found, what he was looking for- and even some cookies!- he run-walked back to the elevator in record time, having no further desire to be in anyone’s company any longer. Even if they weren’t technically his company. What’s your point? 

Okay, maybe he did enjoy hearing those twats have the weirdest conversation over doing dishes _a little_. Again, what’s your point?

Walking out into the hallway and finally noting the ding was disabled again by an unknown angel, the man went back to Xisuma’s room, but stopped halfway through- the useless Bambi never listened to him. Ever. So, chances are… 

Eax groaned and turned back around, going to his room that was annoyingly in the furthest corner of this really long hallway, halfheartedly stomping all the way and throwing the door with ever-red handle strap open. After making sure everything was in it’s rightful place, he went for the special-case cabinet, and got out his even-more-special-case box, titled ‘when Xisuma is being an idiot’. It was pretty much the only special-case-box everyone knew about, and he was not ashamed to say he told them for the sole reason of people coming up to him sometimes and asking, if they could have it. Kinda like a middle finger to X acting all smart and stuff. Plus, making his insufferable brother’s life insufferable was like a hobby to Eax, and who’s to judge? People had weirder hobbies.

Now almost dancing back to his brother’s room, he could safely say his damp mood got better- he was kidding himself when he thought X would be compliant about not working with a darn high fever and itchy spots all over, and gee was he looking forward to scolding him! 

He had to open the door with his leg, but it was nothing- of course his moron brother was at his desk, doing whatever stupid ‘important’ thing as though it was _legal_ again. Quietly, as not to ruin the surprise, Eax set everything on the coffee table and popped the special-case-box’s lid open with a soft click- unsurprisingly, it did not alert his dearest brother, how stupid does one have to be to work in this state?- and grabbing a rope, the only one that survived his target’s critique of the box. 

Grinning a little to himself, the man came up to the bed, taking the blanket away in preparation for operation ‘get Xisuma to rest’ and laying the rope next to it. Now, to the slightly harder part- get his brother out of his computer-induced-hypnosis. Well, it was not all that hard- all he really needed was to just grab his brother by the scruff and dump him into the warm embrace of blankets and pillows, but it was still harder than carrying a completely inanimate objects around, even if not by much.

With his grin only getting wider by the second and having to hold back a completely villainous laugh, Eax had finally gotten behind his twat of a brother, and executed his plan swiftly, grabbing the man by both ears and ignoring any and all indignant protests on the way to bed, where he simply dumped the guy like a dead weight he refused to acknowledge he was. The look of an offended toddler on his face was more than worth it. 

“Now, what did I say about moving?”- Eax went for the most imposing tone he could manage, and Xisuma’s shift in attitude has proven it to be working marvelously- the man shrunk, smiling sheepishly: “Not to?”

God, were they really going this root?

“And what did you do?”- his brother had the decency to shrink further and look away, mumbling a slightly apprehensive ‘sorry’, which left Eax thoroughly unimpressed. Grabbing the blanket from where it lay in the furthest corner of the bed, he pushed the Bambi into a laying position by the shoulders- if the idiot didn’t want to rest himself, as a good brother he would _make_ him-

Luckily, the man did not struggle- which was rare, and meant everything was so much worth than he initially thought, even after spending three days straight awake Xisuma would still fight being brought to bed, _okay, Eax, don’t panic_\- so tucking him in was a breathe, even after the rope made a guest appearance- the man just pouted even more violently, which looked ridiculous on a grown up adult. 

Well, the adult his brother claimed to be anyway.

When said ‘adult’ slithered his hands from beneath the blanket, Eax didn’t even try to object- he wasn’t trying to kill his brother with boredom- after all, there were many ways to get someone to stay put without that and while he wasn’t very proficient in knots, coming up with those was still relatively easy. 

Once done with getting the unbearable man-child situated, he went to finally do what he initially set out to do- make tea and maybe get some medicine in the near future. He didn’t bother checking out what said man-child was doing- as long as it was confined to the bed, it was all good- but the Nintendo noises told him everything he didn’t care to know anyways, and really, how much more comically childish could his older brother get? Where did he pull the DS out of? Oh, whatever-

Just as Eax was almost done with the tea and music from X’s play-thing turned into one of battle, Cub, of all people, came in without knocking, which was _rude_: “Soo, I heard Xisuma was sick, so I brought- ooh”

It was quiet for a second, all eyes on the intruder, while said intruder checked out his watch-

“Never thought you could keep being a werwolf secret for so long, to be quite honest with you”

Eax’s facepalm shook the universe to it’s core.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so you know that game Grian introduced? The one that starts like, today?  
Yeah, it reminded me of something, specifically revenant AU on tumblr, so if any of you know it's author- can you pls go on anon and say 'scared_and_confused_child (aka the 'hate to alert you, but you may not be safe' anon) says hi'
> 
> I'm sorry


End file.
